we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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