I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
