were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
