Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
