Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
