i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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