I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
