$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
