I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
