I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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