Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
