My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
