i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
