i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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