You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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