He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
