Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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