You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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