I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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