She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
