after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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