I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
