I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
