Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
