I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
