Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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