My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
