i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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