Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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