dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
