the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
