he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
