they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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