How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
