apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
