I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
