OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
