Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
