how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
