we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
