Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
