tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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