Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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