thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize