I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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