I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
