I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
