Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
