I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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