My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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