i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
