Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
