CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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