I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
