Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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