it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
