Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
