i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
