either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
