i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i now understand why vodka
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
