I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
