lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
