it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
did i just pee glitter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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