I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do vagina's smell?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
