i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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