didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
