saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
