He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
