I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
