I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize