You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
