I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
