i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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