dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
